he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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