why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
