As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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