people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
