Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
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His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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