____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
