pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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