He is an equal opportunity slut.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
