I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
