who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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