Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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