I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
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