He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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