No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We are two peas in an std pod
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
