the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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