They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize