You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
