woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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