can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
