i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
