All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
