it was like his penis was on wheels.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
