I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
