You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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