Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
