Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
