i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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