I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
