Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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