Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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