After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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