At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize