Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Actions speak louder than pants.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
