am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You're a waste of cheezeits
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
