i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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