Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We talked him into tasing himself.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
