Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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