Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
