Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
