I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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