So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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