why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
