So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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