hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
