so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
