i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
soo... how was my night?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
