ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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