apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
