hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
