VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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