My girlfriend figured out who you are.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
