So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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