The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
