so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
