I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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