He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
