The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
