I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
