when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
