Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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