I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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