It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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