It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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