honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
