Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
