Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
