Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
