GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
