I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
