Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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