Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
