Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
